21 August 2009

You Have Mail (At The Wrong Address!)

" I realised that I hadn't arranged for our mail (all my fan club letters - well, at least I can dream!) to be re-directed to our new address...Strangely the pet bird didn't get a letter. Mind you, he would have probably just eaten it!!"

Recently we uplifted the family and moved to a new property literally 100 metres away from where we where living. Even though it was such a short distance move it took about 2.5 days to complete! It probably was longer than it should have been as No Worries was intent on leaving some of the packing to the last possible moment. Actually 'last possible moment' is probably a better nickname for her!

So it became a very time consuming and tiring operation moving everything!

Two days after the official move I realised that I hadn't arranged for our mail (all my fan club letters - well, at least I can dream!) to be re-directed to our new address. So I traipsed off to my local Australia Post to arrange for this to happen.

Now to the uninitiated, Australia Post is streets ahead of the Royal Mail. For starters Australia Post makes a healthy profit every year, as well as all of the myriad of services and products that they offer. You can even add a picture of yourself to a stamp if you want to personalise it.

I went in and explained the situation. The shop assistant (and not Postman Pat - aka Kochie to the Aussies) advised me that it would take three business days to redirect the mail. That was okay, I thought, as I could still access my old letter box for those three days.

So after a few days my mail started arriving at our new address. Alas, no fan mail either! Then I decided to check my old letterbox one last time. Now a family had moved into our old abode so I was relying on the letterbox being open which, thankfully, it was. Inside the letter box were letters addressed to myself, No Worries and the gals. The funny thing was on the envelope it actually stated "do not re-direct this letter" and it was from, you guessed it, Australia Post.

The letter stated that it was confirming that I wanted my mail redirected to a new address. Now call me slow, but why would you want to send a letter to my old address at least a week and a half after I have moved? To me it does not make sense. Also, why would you want to send the same letter to all of us individually including our young daughters? Strangely the pet bird didn't get a letter. Mind you, he would have probably just eaten it!!

Even now it puzzles me why you would send a letter to an old address if you have already moved? Maybe Australia Post has a "Department of Silly Ideas" and one of their boffins came up with the idea over a hot cup of cocoa. I can imagine this anorak wearing boffin saying:

"I know, why don't we send a letter to a customers old address after they have left that property? That way we can be doubly sure that they want the mail redirected!"

And before you can say "can I have a 55c stamp please" it is set up as a procedure!

So, my fellow Australians, be very wary if you re-direct your mail. Remember the boffins!!





13 August 2009

Do I Live With a Vampire?

"She has, on occasions, been known to wear sunglasses whilst driving in the dark. Very strange behaviour indeed...Having said that I haven't seen our neighbours for a while now. Maybe I should check and see if they are okay"

There are some things in this world that seem a little unusual or even a tad strange. The Eurovision Song Contest certainly fits into the 'strange' category, as an obvious example of weirdness.

Growing up I read Bram Stoker's famous novel 'Dracula' (well recommended) and heard many stories about vampires and other creatures who did terrible things to us humans in the middle of the night. Naturally these stories were stored into the 'unusual' category of my brain next to the tiny compartment labelled 'intelligence'.

These type of stories were all fictional as there are no such things as vampires in this world. Except in the case of Buffy the Vampire Slayer who killed millions of these demonic pests. I was a regular Buffy watcher purely for the storyline and acting skills...

Anyway, enough digression. I have come to the conclusion that possibly vampires do exist. Now before you ring for the men in white coats to take me away, hear me out. I have been observing my wife (the infamous 'No Worries') and she is showing characteristics that only a (gulp) vampire could show. Here is my dossiered evidence.

When we are in the car at night, whether No Worries is driving or not, she always pulls the sun visor down supposedly to keep out the glare of other car lights. I could understand pulling down the visor if it was a bright sunny day, but not in the middle of the night! She has, on occasions, been known to wear sunglasses whilst driving in the dark. Very strange behaviour indeed.

Secondly, No Worries ofter pulls the blinds closed during the day at home. She says its to keep the place cooler. Now on a hot sunny day I would agree with that. However, when you are in the middle of winter you don't need to keep the sun out. Am I being paranoid or is this a sign of vampirism?

Also, she has started a craving for the occasional glass of red wine. Well I think it is wine. I cannot say that I have verified that this is the case. It is certainly a crimson red colour. Could it be the blood of a recent victim? Having said that I haven't seen our neighbours for a while now. Maybe I should check and see if they are okay.

When No Worries goes out in daytime she often keeps herself covered up. She has said that she gets sunstroke very easy and needs to keep covered. Also, sometimes for cultural reasons she will cover herself. Given her Indian coloured skin I am beginning to think that this may not be the true case. We all know what sunlight does to vampires, don't we!!

So, dear readers, I am now putting cloves of garlic all around our apartment. I will be looking for some holy water and crucifixes in case I am correct and No Worries is a vampire. Better to be safe than sorry. I shall be monitoring the situation closely over the next few days as well as checking for 'fang' marks on my neck!

Now where is my copy of 'Dracula'......